Thanksgiving-Lessons You Learn

This past year has been the hardest year of my life. Granted, I'm only 23 years old but life experience has made me feel older. Thanksgiving is coming up and I am tired. Thanksgiving is the day that my husband called it quits. Holidays are not good days to make life changing decisions. First of all, everyone is stressed to the max going around visiting family and working around schedules. Second its a day that you will never forget. There are commercials, sales and big family occassions that are a constant reminder a month before it even gets here. I think it hit me this weekend and I missed him so much. I can't put a finger on what I missed I just miss the little things. The kisses, the big bear hugs that keep you so warm inside and out, tucking my feet under his to get them warm at night, sharing every detail about the day and laughing at our clumsiness. Of course I don't miss the fighting and feeling like I had no worth which he reminded me of so often. I guess the things I listed you could find in someone else. Its just a waiting game. Waiting to find someone you can share those same feelings with. Waiting to find someone who adores you the way you adore them. Mutual love. Does one person in a relationship always love more than the other? How do you know what standards to keep and which to let go. Which standards are shallow or petty? I had a date Friday night. He was a very sweet guy, but a total nerd. He had some gaps in his teeth and his package was bulging out of his pants the whole time. I can't deal with that!!! Danny was so tough on the outside. So manly and strong, but on the inside he shared his feelings with me and I knew how he felt about me and everything. In the beginning anyways, I ruined him with the childish and immature things I did soon after we got married. I almost lost everything then. Why couldn't I just realize what I had when I had it. Anyways, in the spirit of Thanksgiving I am gonna do a little flip flop in thinking. So this year I have said I have had the worst year ever. I lost my husband, my family, a job, my grandma, my grandpa, my life as I knew it. I'm gonna look at it this way now: This year my husband left, the one who called me a stupid bitch on a daily basis. I have a beautiful son. Because I had to move in with my parents and I lost the daycare job I got to spend every day with my grandma before she passed. I got to eat breakfast and lunch with her, take naps with her and was reminded every day of her love. Because I lost the daycare job I found a wonderful job with great benefits in a time where many are jobless. I have a beautiful home to live in with my son. I have a car. So for all these things I am thankful.

Back to the pesimist in me, fuck Thanksgiving! I'm stayin in bed all day with my phone turned off! I think I can have one day to mope!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!